Remember the pain

 

Memory is an exotic animal.

I remember things that happened when I was two years old, but I forget to avoid the actions that caused me so much pain a day ago!

What is it that drives me to do things that harm my body? 

I know it is partially guilt.

I feel like I should be working around the apartment, packing, doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking a meal.

If I had a broken back and was wearing a cast, that might validate that I need to rest, but a strained back doesn't show and I am embarrassed by how little I am able to accomplish right now.

I have been to Prompt Care twice in nine days. The second time they gave me enough muscle relaxers that I could take three a day instead of only one. That really helped, but it leaves me feeling that I am healed when the pain stops and that is a false assumption.

Today I vow to remember the pain I am in when I get up and move around too much.

No matter how little that is.