Control

 

I have a huge network of people willing to help me and I'm still struggling.

I realize that ninety percent of my problem is in my head. I'm worried about having a place to live where I feel safe and comfortable. I'm concerned about the timing of the transition and the cost of the move. The cost of the move weighs heavily on me.

And yet, people have given me money and made offers of help that seem to cover all these things.

So, I wonder, why am I so worried?

I suspect it is because so much of this is beyond my control and my faith in other people has generally been fragile. They make promises, but they aren't capable of really keeping them. I can't fault them for being who they are, but that still doesn't give me peace of mind.

I am pretty much packed and today I'm taking the first carload down to store at my nephew's. I don't want to be that person who waits until everyone is there to start getting ready and my experience in the past is that most people have a different sense of timing than I do. If gas was free I would take several more carloads down so all that is left is the big furniture. 

I'm taking a deep breath and simply trying to stay calm.