Still standing

 

Today is the official end of my first month after being scammed. 

I will no longer ever get the small, but important stipend that came from my IRA. 

I gave my money away with great joy, believing it was for a great cause that would eventually bring me even greater joy. I might still be giving it away if I hadn't run out of money, but to give the scammer credit, he tried for every last drop even after he knew I had filed a police report.

This scammer left me with nothing. He took my money, but he also took my heart and that was even harder to live without in the beginning. I knew afterwards that it was all false, but it felt real for months, so it was like a death in the family when it ended.

The embarrassment was almost unbearable. How could I, an intelligent woman have succumbed to such a ruse? I couldn't tell my family. I couldn't tell my friends. I could barely stand to think of it myself.

Had it not been for my Muse I would not be here to write this on the one month-aversary of my awakening. Today I paid the rent and the utility bills. I paid a minimum payment to my maxed out credit card and I was grateful to have enough money to do that.

I have never been this poor in the last fifty years, but I'm going to make it. It's not going to be easy, but I'm past the embarrassment. I'm into survival mode now. If what I did was naive and gullible, at least it was not unkind. I still have my integrity and I still have my family and friends.