They don't need excuses

 

If you are still rescuing your child, from him or herself, at forty, there might be a problem. 

You can give too much. You can give so much that there is no need for them to ever grow beyond the rebellious teens, assured that you will scoop them up, give them everything they've lost and set them back on the road to glory no matter what.

Because, in fact, you cannot give them everything they've lost. You cannot give them the twenty years of growth they lost being your constant cause.

Part of life is learning to take care of yourself and ideally we do that as children. Good parents realize that their main job is to give their child the skills to survive in today's world. Love is pretty much a given, but how that love manifests can make all the difference in the world.

Give them a home to live in, clothes to wear, food to eat, a car to drive, money to pay for whatever they want and ask them for nothing but to be good? This might work if you had already instilled a work ethic, or sense of duty in them, but by forty, if that isn't there,  you are not on track.

I'm not sure how you instill character in someone forty years old, but it isn't by giving them everything and just hoping they won't do anything "bad." They don't need excuses. They have plenty of those.

Seriously, it isn't going to be easy. You have to do what should have been done over a period of 18 years while they were growing up. Giving them what is good for them and requiring them to earn privileges like cars, gas money, new clothes, eating out, recreation. They need a job even if it is at MacDonalds, or bagging groceries. 

It won't be easy, but if you can't tough that out, you'll be living Groundhog day in hell for the rest of your life.