How can this be

I am so appalled by this country that its stress follows me into my sleep and dreams. I cannot believe the things that supposedly good people believe and do. And yet they do them all the time.

I don't know why this should be so difficult.

My grandfather was a brutally narcissistic man who felt no qualms when he used my father, or asked us to do things he wanted done.

My ex-husband never put his family or children ahead of his wants and desires. He disposed of great family heirlooms that everyone else in his family have treasured for eons and he didn't tell anyone, or give it a second thought.

So far I have not seen any of this in my boys and what I see in my daughter I think comes from having disabilities and not knowing where the boundaries should be, so she errs on her own behalf.

I am far from exempt. I do take good care of myself and sometimes I worry if I am capable of great violence given the right circumstances. My children and my grandchildren bring out the bear in me.

But right now I am feeling incredible stress. Headaches, exhaustion, nightmares, the ability to do simple things like brush my teeth, shower and put on street clothes requires almost every ounce of energy I have.

Americans seemed to have evolved into a selfish, unempathetic race that cannot deal with the smallest inconveniences, even if it means someone dies as a result. They believe anything that gives them what they want is justifiable.