And when I die and when . . .

I look in the mirror and almost don't recognize the person sitting in my chair, but I know what she thinks, how she feels, who she is and sometimes I don't like her.

Sometimes I do, though, and I think it is time I really embrace her because that is who I really am.

I am tired of trying to be what a mother is supposed to be, or a grandma is supposed to be, or a sister, or a friend. The bestest friend I have in the world knows almost exactly who I am and he treats me better than anyone I have ever known in my entire life. And that goes from birth to now which is a very long time.

A very long time to keep trying to find the right role, the right way to be, the way that will make everyone think I am a good person. If I am not a good person in my own right then I don't think that's ever going to happen.

I am still learning, still trying, still searching, but I think that is who I really am.

I am a person who wants to keep learning, keep changing, keep living until the day I die.

And when I die ... then at least I will have lived an interesting life.