Reality

I have struggled with the concept of reality all my life.

What is it? How does it work? Where are the boundaries between wishful thinking, persistence, hard work, luck, fate, bad luck, and cold hard science?

How much of my life is really in my hands?

Intellect tells me it is about fifty fifty. If I work hard, do the right things, then life will be as good as possible. The laws of science say gravity will keep me grounded, that I am made of the same substances that everything else on earth is made of, that I am subject to the same vagaries as all the other things on this earth. Fires, floods, droughts, wars, finances, health are not always within my control.

Experience tells me that I have more control than I dare to dream, or want to be responsible for (sometimes.) The positive part of this is that when I really want something badly enough, I often find a way to get it. The frightening part is that when I am lax, about the way I live, think, or not being honest with myself about what I really need to do in order to get what I want to achieve, I may be the biggest saboteur of me around.

When life is good I want all the credit. When it is not, I want someone,or something, to blame.

Yet I have the distinct feeling that my health, happiness, and general well being could be more than ninety percent dependent on me. My feelings belong to me. Everyone of them originates inside of me. Other people have influenced me and shaped me, but that doesn't mean what they said, or did, or do, is the absolute final truth. Feelings can be shaped and reshaped and I need to take both the responsibility and actual control of my own.

I am the creator of my own life. I may not be able to control the circumstances around me, but if I can control the circumstances inside me -- life is so much better.

It is a frightening thought to think I have so much power, but it is also a good feeling. Nothing is worse than feeling powerless, but with power comes responsibility. I am not a pawn in other people's lives. I am a living, breathing, creator of my own reality.