Normal

Normalcy is something I have always craved and yet the ideas of what that is, or was, has varied a bit throughout the years..

Part of it was that we moved at most of the key moments in my life. I never really had a sense of belonging after sixth grade, but part of it was a child growing up in the fifties and sixties watching television where all the kids were from wealthy families in big homes with understanding fathers and perfect mothers guiding them gently through life.

Generations before me grew up hearing mostly local people, singing at church, or school. We saw mostly the top few percent who made it to TV.

My standards were high in those ways and terrified in others. Always pulled out of class to go into accelerated classes, I ached to be "normal." I played in band, or orchestra and wished I both didn't have to play solos and dreamed of being a star singer.

Lots of conflict. All home grown. Mostly homemade.

In the end, I was disappointedly normal. None of those accelerated classes led to exotic degrees, or impressive creations. I grew up to be just a wife, mother, preschool teacher and volunteer.

It is only in retirement that I feel as if I am finally finding myself. Normal now feels like whatever I am doing and while that is not extraordinary or special it is incredibly satisfying.