Who am I

I was taking a shower this morning and a strange thought came into my mind.  Who am I really?  Not who do I want to be, or who do you want me to be? It was this feeling that I have never taken the time and chance to find out who I really am. Who I would be if the world had touched me less.

The idea that I probably don't know myself as well as I know other people struck me as very important and I tried to write a Thot about it with no success at all.

The frustration left me spending the whole afternoon trying to write a Thot, taking walks and killing time in between.

I ended up watching a film on Amazon Prime that wasn't overly impressive until this woman talked about how she didn't think she was beautiful until she quit thinking that she, an African American woman, must look like Wonder Woman, or the Bionic Woman, or some other white super woman. I perked up and began to pay more attention.

The movie reminded me of how I can be shopping and not finding what I want, but not giving up. Believing that what I want is there, I just haven't found it yet -- and then, I do!

It also made me think of some of the miraculous things that have happened in my life. They were all preceded by my fixation on what I wanted.

Of course when what I want shows up, I tend to brush it off as coincidence, or luck, but is it really?

Why not focus on the very best? Expect it? Dream about it?

And while I'm doing that I want to get to know this woman I have lived with for sixty seven years.