Potholes

I have dealt with intermittent sadness most of my adult life.

It comes from situations where I felt powerless for one reason or another and it comes from some innermost part of me that walks a very narrow line dividing light and dark.

Over the years I have learned how to cope with it, not completely, but pretty efficiently in the long run.

My first instinct is to eat. There is comfort in eating that goes way beyond a full stomach, but it is also just another path to misery in the end, because being over weight has both physical and emotional baggage.

Next comes the urge to point fingers and blame. Knowing why I feel, or might feel this way, is such a temporary comfort. Other than showing me how not to do something, it makes little difference in the long run.

The only long term way I know to combat sadness is to do something that feels positive. It's like creating a rope to pull me out and up. I make plans, even if they come to nothing. I do things. Doing may be pointless, or it may inadvertently show me some positive way out, but it occupies my mind in less destructive ways than not doing.

Unless! Not doing is in the form of meditation or centering prayer.

I have cultivated a survivor attitude that works for me. At this point in my life I know what to do to combat this old enemy. I know how to avoid the potholes that leave me devastated and when I inadvertently step in one, it may take me a few days, but I know how to climb out. My expectations are much more practical now.

If the boat is flooded I bail. I don't contemplate the hole, or waste time being angry with the cause.