From a mind's eye view

My life is returning to normal, which will make my friends chuckle because I live in Normal.

The last few weeks were the first time I could run in and grab a few necessary things at a medium sized grocery store, but today was the first time I could go into a store like Target and actually shop around.

Since shopping is not a sport, nor a hobby, for me, this shouldn't be a big deal, but I find it is really nice not to have to count on someone else to pick out what I need, or want.

I am also working on something for Bestest and that bit of work makes me feel more grounded, more necessary.

And next week I am back to volunteering at the elementary school library two days a week.

I have not volunteered anywhere since April 2 and I really haven't done much of anything else since then.  I feel better when there is some order in my life.

When I don't have these benchmarks in my life I begin to fixate on other things.  I suppose that is my mind's way of tricking itself into thinking I am working, but it's honestly very destructive.  My anxiety level soars after four months of accomplishing nothing. I begin to doubt my worth as a human being.  I find fault in everything I do.  I become hypercritical of every action, thought and micro thought. 

Life starts spiraling downwards.

I guess there is a part of me that seriously believes we all need to be contributing something as long as we are alive and breathing and this is all I know how to contribute at this point in my life.