A ton of feelings

I just realized what a huge bag of "stuff" comes with being over weight.

It feels terrible to be over weight.   In my inner most mind it shows that I lack will power and self respect and the ability to do things in an intelligent and logical way.

It feels bad to be hungry, like there's some kind of hole that needs filling -- not just with food, but specific kinds of food that I associate with comfort.

It is depressing to feel full, even though what I just ate was a salad full of greens and vegetables with no dressing a all.  Why?  Because it feels like it does when I over ate in the past and it was all the wrong things, the ones that put this weight on.

It is harder to exercise when just putting on socks is a long, breath taking reach and the back is tired five minutes after it stands up and the feet ache before they are even on the ground.

The feelings probably weigh more than the pounds!

So I go a little bit at a time, trying to be positive with every tiny milestone.  I get on the exercise bike for fifteen minutes -- frequently.   I did not eat toast for breakfast.  I -- the list goes on and on and that's really a good thing.

Somehow I have to unlearn all the bad stuff if I want this to be the last time I need to lose so much weight.