The real miracle

I don't like to believe it, but most of my problems stem from too much food.

In a world where people are starving to death and malnourished, I am actually surrounded by tons of people who are grossly overweight, including myself. 

We console ourselves with the fact that our bodies keep us from doing the very things that would make it feel better.  Or we excuse ourselves by saying I can still do everything I ever could I am just a big person, I am happy the way I am.

The truth for me is that I like to eat and once I start it is hard for me to stop.  One yummy thing tastes good, but it doesn't satisfy my yearning so I eat two, or three, or I eat until there is no more on my plate, or in the kitchen, or, sadly, in the store.  I absolutely cannot eat sweet sugary things in reasonable amounts.

I also cannot eat soft white floury things in reasonable amounts.  I always want more.  I will eat until my stomach hurts, until I have acid reflux when I go to sleep, until my joints ache from the extra weight, until my heart pounds and my breath is short after a small walk.

It destroys my self esteem.  I awaken in the morning depressed and that depression deepens during the day.

All it takes is eating sensibly for a day to lift my spirits.  Awakening to jump on the scale and see that I have not gained another pound, or have even maybe lost a pound changes everything.  It gives me hope.  It makes me feel good like I have some control over my life and I do!

And most of all it eventually allows me to shed enough weight so that other things become easier.  I feel younger as if I have taken a dip in the fountain of youth.  I don't feel perfect but I do feel enough better that if I can remember this I don't lose control as often and that is what counts.  I can eat tons less and still not be hungry.

This is the real diet drug, the real miracle and it is the hardest to come.  I can't buy it and no one can give it to me.  It is buried deep inside of me underneath all the learned ways of rewarding or punishing myself.

Although it does help to have an honest and loving friend to talk it over with, no pill or book or organization can do as much for me as cheaply and beautifully as I can for myself.