Questions

I had to go to a luncheon today.  It was fun and it was a salad luncheon, but it was scary for me since it meant eating outside of my comfort zone.  I am trying to lose weight, keep my blood pressure low, my glucose low, decrease my uric acid and lower my cholesterol.  You wouldn’t believe how many things are verboten within that framework.  The fun has to come from the company so it is good for perspective.

I came home and was going to walk, but just as I pushed back from this desk, the thunder rolled ominously!  I am taking that as a sign.  My ankle keeps giving out and my bones are pinching on my left foot while the gout in my right one feels like it is burning through the skin.  Maybe today really needs to be a rest day.

I hate those though!  Well, honestly I don’t think I hate them as much as fear them.  They mean my metabolism might drop and I might even add a pound in spite of a dangerously low calorie count already.  My doctor is just waiting, lurking in the wings, ready to put me on all sorts of chemicals to control these things artificially. 

My experience with modern medicine is that it is still a guessing game.  No one really knows what happens inside every body.  We are all different.  Case in point: as a young woman I had miscarriages that felt to me like my body was treating the baby as a foreign object.  Everyone thought I was crazy.  Now they know that lupus does exactly that!  My gut feelings were right.

It is really difficult for me to buck the system, to say no to someone with so much power, but I think my mental health demands that I do that to some extent.  The question is how much?