The wanting

Obviously I have been thinking about dieting and not eating and, therefore, food, all the time lately.  I seem to have found that place I’ve found a few other times in my life where I am able to stick with an eating plan over a long period of time.

I am terrified that I will lose the momentum, or backslide into old habits again.  I have been on the wrong side of my ideal weight for nearly thirty years now!

I think one of the reasons this time is working is because I am being honest – with myself and everyone else.  It seems to be the norm for people to tell others it was “easy.”  They routinely say, “I don’t even notice it.  I am just losing weight.”  Once when I was recovering from my divorce that happened to me, but never before, or since.

I have to work at it and I have to work hard!  I am often hungry.  I crave foods like I never craved them when I ate whatever I wanted and I have to push myself to exercise every day.  It is not fun for me.  I do not want an exercise buddy to walk with.  I do not want to exercise at all.  If I can’t play tennis, and I can’t, I want to sit on my backside and read a book!

I have to want something more than food and I have to want it a lot!  I have to want it more than toast with butter and double chocolate cake and cheese and crackers and mocha lattes with whipped cream.  I have to want it more than an ice cold fizzy diet coke, or warm, gooey, cheesy pizza.  I have to want it more than popcorn drowned in butter, or barbecued pork chops, or lasagna.  Because I am going to think about eating all of those things at some point!

It is the wanting that makes me walk when my toes ache and joints creak.   And it is the wanting that says this dull ache in my tummy is a good sign that I haven’t over eaten today.

It took me a long time to find something I want this much and I’m hanging onto it!  It’s the only way I’m gonna make it.