What is the scariest thing in the world?
The truth I cannot allow myself to see!
Why would I blind myself to a truth?
Because of fear! The fear that even if I see it and admit it’s effect on me, I might not have what it takes to deal with it and change it, making myself my own worst enemy. That is terrifying.
I know I am not alone in this. I hear others doing and saying all the same things I have said. “Life is too short to worry about everything.” “Orange sherbet, that’s a fruit, right?” "Some people live to a hundred and ten and do this." When obviously I will not.
And that leads to the very worst one. “I’d rather die than give this up.” It is when the prospect of really dying from something hits me that I am forced to take a step back and re-think the truth of that statement. Do I honestly mean I would rather go blind or die clutching my chest for six hours while the hospital decides if it is safe to give me pain medication?
No I do not. I am just so afraid of the pain and discomfort of making the change that I cannot even deal with the thought of what I need to do.
So far I keep getting second chances. Someday those options might run out.
No comments:
Post a Comment