My being seems to have its own sense of timing. If I can allow that to take its course, it is amazing what I can do. It's when I try to squeeze my ability to learn, or my capacity for perseverance, or my desire to please someone else, into a space that isn't ready for it, that I fail. And when I fail? I can do it pretty spectacularly!
I'm never proud of failing. In fact, I am so miserable that I try to avoid it at almost any cost. In the past I have been known to avoid things completely because I thought I would not be good at them. I have also been known to hide my failures behind all sorts of things, bluffs, half truths, avoidance, whatever was necessary.
I'm not sure what the reasons for all this were. I could point fingers for the rest of my life, but they would just be more ways to avoid the issues.
Instead I've tried to be a little more pro active. I've conquered many of my fears, maybe just once, or for a while, but it's a start. I'm not quite so afraid of spiders and snakes and I've managed to carve out a life all my own -- on my own. Now I am doing some of the finer things.
I have been reading books I thought I could never read. Sometimes it's taken me months, something that would never have worked if I were in class, but my teacher is kind. And now I am, at long last, learning Spanish! Not much, just a little every day. Right now all I can ask is what is that?
But that is a pretty useful phrase! You see that wouldn't have pleased me ten years ago. Then I would have needed to be in a class, taking tests, being monitored and pushed and I would have been a wreck. Now I am just thrilled with what I can do! With a tour group of ninos and ninas I can now point to a wing and say "?Que es eso?" Then I can say, "Eso es un wing (or wheel, or pitot tube!)" I may mistakes, but we can all laugh at them. They need the English words and I want the Spanish ones!
Children are so forgiving. They appreciate the attempt.
I'm never proud of failing. In fact, I am so miserable that I try to avoid it at almost any cost. In the past I have been known to avoid things completely because I thought I would not be good at them. I have also been known to hide my failures behind all sorts of things, bluffs, half truths, avoidance, whatever was necessary.
I'm not sure what the reasons for all this were. I could point fingers for the rest of my life, but they would just be more ways to avoid the issues.
Instead I've tried to be a little more pro active. I've conquered many of my fears, maybe just once, or for a while, but it's a start. I'm not quite so afraid of spiders and snakes and I've managed to carve out a life all my own -- on my own. Now I am doing some of the finer things.
I have been reading books I thought I could never read. Sometimes it's taken me months, something that would never have worked if I were in class, but my teacher is kind. And now I am, at long last, learning Spanish! Not much, just a little every day. Right now all I can ask is what is that?
But that is a pretty useful phrase! You see that wouldn't have pleased me ten years ago. Then I would have needed to be in a class, taking tests, being monitored and pushed and I would have been a wreck. Now I am just thrilled with what I can do! With a tour group of ninos and ninas I can now point to a wing and say "?Que es eso?" Then I can say, "Eso es un wing (or wheel, or pitot tube!)" I may mistakes, but we can all laugh at them. They need the English words and I want the Spanish ones!
Children are so forgiving. They appreciate the attempt.
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