Pucker Up

I get used to jumping through hoops. It started early on when my mother said do something and she meant now, not after I thought about it, or when I decided it was okay, but the moment she said it. To a certain degree this is imperative for young children. If a car is coming a parent cannot afford to debate the issue with a three year old, but these commands need to be used sparingly.

A child who is never allowed to question, or taught to think for him, or herself, is an easy target.

Someone yells jump and they are conditioned to jump. Fine sometimes, but this same conditioning makes one quickly click on the Internet command that says, you are being attacked by a virus, click here immediately! If you do that, you screw up your entire computer. Or other people with authoritative voices bully a child into behavior they would never participate in if they were responding and not reacting.

That is the secret you know. Children need to be taught to respond, thoughtfully, carefully and from a place of strength. Simply reacting to situations becomes an emotional response. Emotional responses are lovely when they make you cry over poetry, or blink back tears when you hear a favorite song, but they destroy your credibility at work, or if you need to make a difficult, but valid point.

Avoiding reacting and doing it well is an art. It requires practice to stand your ground and state your thoughts quietly with resolve, but not confrontationally. It is easier to make a point, or win a debate if the other person is not upset with you. You want them to remain calm. Learning how this works takes time and some practice, but it certainly simplifies life.

There's a fine line between "kissing up" and the art of dealing with difficult people and the most successful people learn it early on, but even "kissing up" is better than jumping through hoops without thinking.

A good kisser is thinking, just not necessarily in the right direction!