The Scent Of Pine Trees

All this moving around has stirred up the pot. Those little bits of uncertainty that lie on the bottom of my ego have floated up to the top and whenever I get a taste of them, my confidence falters. I've shared that with some people who know me quite well and they assure me that I am doing the right thing, especially the right things for me. I suppose that is all anyone can really do. The right thing for someone else might be totally different.

Some people have the luxury of having someone else do things for them, or go with them when they do uncomfortable things. I do not. It is my own fault, because I like things done a certain way and the best way I know to achieve that is to do them myself.

It's a toss up. I don't like to use the telephone and I don't like to do things in person, but trying to find an apartment by writing to people would be unconscionably ponderous. If I want to move into a more permanent apartment by the end of summer, I have to go out and talk to people, look at apartments, explain over and over what I am looking for and need.

That is difficult for me. My pride gets in the way because I have very limited resources right now. I'm looking at places I would not have even considered five years ago and wondering if I am going to be able to afford them. I'm willing to settle for less, considerably less, in order to have some much needed quality, so I've been looking at efficiencies and studios. The problem is that they don't seem to want dogs in these and I have a dog.

My dog is very important to me. He is the one creature in this world who likes me even when I snarl and growl. I need him, so living without him is not a possibility. I go door to door, asking about apartments, trying to explain what I want and need without sounding too picky, or too needy and trying to ask all the questions that are necessary while I am there and it seems to have paid off. I was approved for a cozy one bedroom apartment with a little kitchen across the end of the living room. It is solid, clean, and exactly what I need.

The only problem is that I won't know exactly which one they will offer me in August until that time comes and I know which one I want. I want the second floor one, overlooking the little park like backyard filled with giant evergreens. I want to be able to open my windows in the fall and have the scent of pine trees drift in through the windows. I don't mind the sound of children in the background, but I don't want their shadows marring the view while I am writing.

I have one more thing to do and then I will just have to trust in the universe and know that whatever happens will be fine. At that point, I will have done everything I know how to do to find us a good place to live. The next step will be allowing it to become our home.