Chauncey is getting to be a pro at adapting and keeping it cute. I was moving things into my new home and using the valet trolley. My little suitcase was lying down with my purse on top of it when Chauncey jumped up and sat on it. He rode in, in style, causing oohs and ahs all around.
I am getting to be a pro at making my computer work wherever I am, but I am wearying of all this change. I am ready to put down roots. This time I will be much more careful of what I do. Wanting something to be one way and having it actually being that way can be totally different things. Reality cannot be manufactured out of dreams, hopes, or writing. I suppose it is possible to weave a new reality using these things, but that requires adding a dash of cold hard facts to the mix.
For me, part of these facts are that I cannot live continuously amidst obstruction. People who neglect, or treat others cruelly, by choice, or through ignorance, or for any other reason wear me down. It is almost impossible for me to do less for other people than I would do for my own children and grand children. In my world, we are all one family and all deserve the same basic love and respect. Other people see exceptions to this that I cannot see and that causes friction.
Loving someone can mean making very hard decisions based on cold facts in their best interests. I am not capable of doing less. I have tried, which sort of shames me, but I cannot do it. It is part of who I am.
So, I guess I really do need to live alone in order to maintain my own peace of mind and that is okay. Especially here. I have friends to talk with and socialize with and I am quite content in my own company too. This place has been my home most of my adult life with a few forays out into other parts of the country and while I find our entire country miraculously beautiful, I guess maybe this is the place I do best.
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