Me, My Kids and I

Kids are amazing, especially after they grow up. I guess that is the best affirmation I can have. If I like my adult children, I should feel pretty good about myself, because even though they get the credit for being who they are, I helped them lay the foundations.

All of my children are pretty strong willed, which isn’t really surprising. They had a good role model. I have always struggled to make sure I’m being fair, because mostly I like what I like and I want what I want and it doesn’t come easily to me to give in.

Yet I can give in. I can do amazing things for love and there has been a lot of love in my life. It’s just that sometimes it is hard doing the things I feel are right. Right isn’t always black and white. In fact it is often a blur of gray.

As our family goes through a major transition I speak daily, and sometimes hourly, with both my oldest and youngest sons. In the beginning these talks were all polarized around supporting each other. Now that support is becoming more protective and solutions are starting to drift into separate corners. Each of us feel our thoughts might possibly be more valid than the others and our sense of the necessity for speaking our minds is becoming stronger.

That might sound bad to you, but there is nothing like feeling my own emotional response to something for clarifying what I really think and feel. The pillar of this family is hurting in ways I never thought I would and as my oldest son said, “that is alright and right!” I am very emotionally involved in all this and no amount of common sense, or sense of duty can change that.

Our exchanges, as heated as they can become, are still love based. When this is all over, we three will still stand solidly behind each other in every way that counts and I find that rather awesome.