April Fool

I am not a video game player and I am not a soap opera fan, although I did watch one when someone I was interested in did, but once we were no longer together, I gave it up pretty quickly. I just can’t maintain a real interest in make believe people.

I can generate an intense interest in real people, one on one, depending on how invested I am in what they are doing and how they do it, but even this is rare. I tend to sit back and watch the world from my own point of view, jumping in only when the spirit moves me and I feel I can really connect, or make some sort of difference.

There is nothing like believing something is over to make one sit back and evaluate her feelings. An April fool’s prank really caught me today.

I have allowed myself to be almost totally absorbed into a sort of virtual family. Now let me explain that this family is actually composed of real people brought together by a common thread that is relatively uncommon, but they are not physically present in my day to day life.

It is difficult to explain how close I feel to this “family,” where I have something I can contribute and they have much to give me that truly impacts my life in a pretty major way. Real people. Real problems. Real joys. It is a new world approach to the old village that I find very satisfying.

It is not easy for me to find kindred spirits like this, so believing it was ending was a jolt! A part of me would like to pull back, disentangle myself from what will be extraordinarily painful when it does end, as all things seem to. Another part of me says to seize the day and understand how lucky I am to have found this kind of satisfaction in a very unsatisfactory world. The pain will never equal the fulfillment and joy I experience almost daily.