Perfection

Count your blessings, instead of sheep. That is supposed to be a good way to go to sleep. It doesn’t work for me. It never has. I don’t go to sleep easily unless I am very sick, then I can barely stay awake, but most of my life I have put off going to bed in order to avoid the hours of lying there awake.

Focusing on anything, no matter whether it is sheep, or blessings, only keeps me awake. My mind is guaranteed to eventually wander. I will start to think about what a chore real sheep are, or how cute cartoon sheep seem. I will remember how Dale Evans once had a lamb in a movie that she kept bows on like a stuffed animal. My mind just grabs some aspect and runs with it.

Same thing with blessings. I think about all the really good people I know and pretty soon I am off on another tangent, imagining what they are doing now, or just did, or how they relate to other people in their lives and soon I am writing stories in my head that can keep me awake all night.

The only way I can go to sleep easily is to reach out to an imaginary place about three inches in front of my forehead. Here I focus on feeling the love and being of someone I love. I imagine myself being enveloped by that love and then expanding myself to fill in that space until we are only one.

I imagine it being similar to a cloud, or mist creeping gently into infinity and becoming something like that primordial space where creation began. It fills me with a sense of wonder and oneness. It is security and warmth, comfort and peace. It is like laying my head against the chest of the consummate lover, knowing all is well and all is truly well.