Contemplation

 

More of life than most of us find it possible to believe has to do with state of mind.

The past three weeks have been hellish for me after a nurse called to tell me why my doctor wanted me to see four specialists. My blood pressure zoomed up twenty or more points and I worried about every little thing I felt. 

After seeing the doctor, who didn't even mention one of the dreaded signs the nurse told me about I discovered they simply want the specialists to have a bottom line to look back on as time goes on.

I do not need surgery and nothing else has really changed.

The past two days has seen my blood pressure droop back down to near perfect readings.  I am still tired all the time and my bones still ache, and the valve in my heart murmurs away, but I am not getting ready for surgery or getting all my affairs in order in contemplation of death.

I am torn between just being kind, or letting the nurse know all the agony she caused me with her random sharing of bad news. She is truly a hazard. Her threats of dire consequences put three weeks of extraordinary stress on my heart. She gave me just enough information to worry me and yet I still had to wait for my appointment to find out all the facts. 

I will let it go. 

That is the secret to aging peacefully I think, letting things go.