Living

 

My age has allowed me to live through almost any situation you might be able to envisage.

Theoretically that means I should be capable of handing anything, but the opposite is true. I am capable, but I know I am only able to control me for sure.

I know, from experience, that there is no cut and dried method for everything, or anything really.

What worked one time may, or may not work the next. People, animals, even the weather, or a reaction to illness, are not really predictable.

As I grow older my body responds differently to medicine and is slower to recuperate.

But I also know that I am freer now in many respects too. I have less to lose. My money is gone. My belongings are minimal and the things I value are mostly relationships.

I do have an attachment to my phone and this computer and my paintings and art supplies, but those are things and while I might not be able to replace them exactly, they are NOT irreplaceable. 

Living seems to be a maze with an infinite number of twists and turns. Some lead into beautiful little niches while others lead into terrifying places, or dull swampy bogs, but if I just keep going it will eventually change.