I'm not sure what actually governs the life of a simple human being. Whether it is simply self-determination, or something bigger like the will of god, or possibly the vagaries of fate, but I do know I seem to be driven by something I have little control over.
It is as if two very powerful magnets were placed close to each other. Together they keep a third thing in place, so moving either one creates problems for all three. Yet, I am not sure what the thing they are supporting is. I only know I do not seem to be able to escape it.
I have tried walking away. It does not work for me. The very act of leaving scoops all the will for living out of me. I am left without any joie de vivre, or even the will to go on.
All of my peace is attached to this way even though it is terrifyingly unique.
Perhaps this is what draws the salmon home, or the monarch butterflies back to Mexico.
Am I being called home by some force so great I cannot see it? Or is it some flaw in my character?
I suppose it does not matter. I am powerless here. To live I must submit.
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