Give yourself a chance

Sometimes the things that feel the worst, or make things the hardest, stem from associations more than reality. Given a little time forced change may even ease people into a new and better reality.

I have two siblings left. Both are eligible for retirement and neither one are taking it just yet. One says she is truly terrified that she will not have enough money and the other is waiting for two more years to get a certain amount of money. But I believe both had a fear that not working will diminish them in ways unrelated to money. The generation before our parents lived through the depression and had an almighty ingrained fear of not having enough -- of anything --  money, food, pride, respect, etc.

They somehow came up with the idea that if you worked and made money you were better than. You then had the right to judge and be critical, or complain about, almost everything, because you were one of the best, the working wounded, the hero who got out there and worked even if you had to tie a Ben-Gay soaked rag around your forehead to do it. In fact, that was almost a badge of honor.

Retiring terrifies them. It means the possible loss of their excuses for not doing things they don't want to do.(I have to work.) It means being responsible for filling their own time in ways that make them feel worthy.

They have been at home now for nearly a month and one of them is amazed that she is finding a routine she likes. (Of course the pandemic now gives her the perfect excuse for not doing what she does not want to do, so she's still off the hook. Imagine just choosing not to do those things? Why would that be so bad?)

The other has discovered he actually likes working at home. Instead of being trapped at a desk somewhere while waiting for something to take effect, he can now go screw in the wall boards of his extra room, or paint the ceiling, or work in his yard. Sometimes he even takes a long walk right in the middle of the day! It's okay. This idea of retirement might not be so bad after all.

I don't have any trouble not being paid to work. I've done it both ways and infinitely prefer to work at home. I, raised my children, made their clothes, rode bikes, read books, have always felt free to go down rabbit holes in a search for information just because I was curious. What scares me is a lack of. A lack of things I once took for granted like toilet paper, or bread, because it harkens back to a time when my husband would get angry and take away the money I needed to buy these things. I had to go to friends, or neighbors until he either changed his mind, or felt shamed enough to give in.

Human beings are adaptable. We can learn to live with almost anything and still thrive.

If we only give ourselves a chance.