Christmas Tea

Yesterday I went to a tea house with six other women and it felt so right. Three of these women will spend Christmas day alone, but they are okay with that. There was no mad need for anyone to take them in as if there was something wrong with them. One woman was there with her daughter, home from France for a few days. Another was expecting her first child and she and her husband had just bought a larger home. I am expecting to go to my daughter's late Christmas day and bring my grown granddaughters with me.

It was a moment in time where I truly felt like I belonged. I savored every part of it.

And yet, back home I feel like it really isn't Christmas. I'm not sure why.

All the decorations are here. The tree is adorable and exactly what I love. There is a Charlie Brown aspect to the way I set it up, but with an elegance that is only me. The presents are wrapped and decorated with handmade ornament tags. My cards hang on a red ribbon down the length of my front door and jingle bells ring every time I go in or out. My stocking is hung from the silver deer with care, but I know no St. Nicholas will soon be there.

I do all of this for me. No one sees my Christmas decorations. And still, it does not feel like Christmas.

What do I need to change that? I honestly do not know.

But I think it has something to do with the beauty of that Christmas Tea.