Bed of nails

There are facts of life that I may not like, but which are very real.

Number one among them is that there are people in this world who are toxic to me. They believe, act and feel in ways I feel are not realistic, or beneficial to me or anyone else and while they might be basically nice people I do not want to be around them in thought, word, or deed.

They cause me to waste my time alone trying to come up with words that will make them see the light. They interrupt my sleep with nightmares of evil creatures behind big smiles. They make my chest literally hurt between seven and nine at night.

I have a little meditation pad I call my bed of nails and I actually go lie down on it, in the dark, while contemplating nothing more than breathing to stop the pain in my chest.

It works, but obviously it is temporary because it tends to keep coming back, same time, same place, same people.

It is not easy to end relationships of fifty years, but looking back I realize I have always had major differences with some people and now is the time to end that.

I tried just letting them be them, but that still does not work for me. I feel too strongly about the things we disagree on. If these people are considered friends then I don't need enemies.

So now I am practicing letting go . . .

It might be a matter of life and death.

It is certainly a matter of life and breath.