Gone

I knew it would happen. I just didn't know how long it would take.

It happened faster in the past, but I didn't see my brother every day. I saw a picture one of his ex wives put on Facebook with him in it and I suddenly realized that I can't imagine him gone.

How can someone just cease to be? How could I talk to him one day and a few days later he was gone? It feels more like a bad dream than reality.

I suddenly wondered if I had kept any of his voicemail messages and frantically searched!

There he was! Christmas day this last December!

I listened to it over and over.

I ran across some pictures of my families' tombstones and realized there is no place to go where he is at -- except the farm and I won't go there anymore now he is gone.

He swore he would haunt me and I almost hope he does. I can hear his disembodied voice laughing in the dark, "Still alive dammit! Oh wait! I'm not! Hahahahahahhahaaaa"