Doing not doing

Last night, I didn't get to sleep at all.

Anxiety expresses itself at different times in different ways.

Today I did a lot of pre-moving cleaning to prepare for what is coming and to burn off energy it was too hot to burn off outside.

I cleaned baseboards, dusted out cupboards, swept the deck, mopped the kitchen and bathroom, washed rugs and dried them.

And I did not overeat. That is a big one. It sounds so simple to just not do something, but not doing is a hundred times harder for me than doing.

Not over eating. Not commenting negatively. Not throwing things away I might need later. Not worrying.

I understand the value in all these things and it is immense, but understanding and doing are so different. One is invaluable.

Not sleeping is not a good one. When I am awake all day and all night my body is rebelling against my mind. Trying to wear it out. I've dealt with these periods all my life, so you'd think I'd be good at dealing with them. But I am not.

Sometimes I am just better than others and it is in those times that I utilize this energy for good things like cleaning.