Self esteem

I feel so much better about myself when I feel in control.

Control.

Such a complicated concept. One that has eliminated, or ruined whole countries.

And yet, without some of it there would be total anarchy and chaos.

I have trouble with self-control. Reigning in that part of me that wants to blurt out exactly how I feel in a given moment, eat everything in front of me, buy whatever I'm thinking of . . . there is a sort of high that comes from doing whatever you want in the moment with great passion, but there is also a price to pay.

The long range price for me is deteriorating health and impending poverty.

The short range price is a sense of failure, impending doom, dissatisfaction and unease because I know when I am out of control.

And, according to GI Joe, knowing is half the battle, so whenever I am able to reign myself in before I hit the downhill slope, I feel a real sense of pride.