Twenty years

I was divorced in 1998. I knew that shook my view of my world to the core, but I don't think I realized quite how much things were going to change. Next month I will have lived in this apartment for four years. That is longer than I've lived in any one place since 1998!

So many things needed to change.

I had never lived on my own by myself in my entire life before then.

I had so much to learn.  If someone left the cap off the toothpaste, or I ran out of money before the next check, there was no one to blame except me.

I had all sorts of romantic ideas about where and how I wanted to live. Ruling them out, one at a time, I discovered I did not want to live in the country. I did not want to live with a love interest. I did not want to live with family. There were all sorts of things I found out I did not want to do.

The quest, then, became finding out what I did want.

I suppose that will always be an ongoing task, but I think I am closer now. A lot of that is thanks to Bestest who helped me discover things about myself I had never understood before.

Looking around my apartment I realize that there are basic things that are still the same. I still like the idea of compact living. I still love amethyst geodes and fine art. I still love to read and play and get together with family and friends for good food and conversation.

I need one person who really hears what I'm saying and who does me the honor of sharing back with me who they are. I need my own simple routines and plenty of time to do what I do.

And maybe I am finally home.