I wrote this thot on October 3, 2008 and found it in my memories on Facebook today. I don't put My Thots there anymore, but this one intrigued me.
It's a balancing act
I sit on a teeter totter, high up in the air with love and gratitude, looking at my other side. She is down there, almost on the ground, glaring at me with uncharitable hostility. How dare I ignore her and choose to live in this beautiful moment? How dare I fill myself with light and love and leave her full of weighty issues that must be solved?
...
I know she would like to get off, but not because she has something better to do. She would like to see me plunk down from my lofty height and land with such a jarring thud against the ground that my teeth rattle. It seems to be her job to manifest a lifetime's frustrations and disappointments and miseries and she is pretty good at it. Sometimes she will rush in front of me when I look into a mirror, or grab my hand when I am paying bills, or sit up and talk to me all night long so I don't get any sleep.
But not today. Today I am enjoying it up here. In fact I am going to go swing on the big swings until the wind blows my hair straight out and the clouds kiss my toes! I start to plan how I will get from here to there without letting that dark creature down there jump on my back and go with me. There..... really doesn't seem to be any way. She has a lot of years to practice. She is like a little cosmic vampire, clinging onto my thoughts with a ravenous desire to feed upon the light I have and devour it with her darkness. She is too ephemeral and insubstantial for me to plunge a stake through her heart and for that I am grateful. Once I do that we will be one and I will never find her again.
Climbing carefully down from my lovely high, I walk over and take her hand, pull her with me to the swings. Today I will hold her close, hug her with both arms and take her swinging with me.
...
I know she would like to get off, but not because she has something better to do. She would like to see me plunk down from my lofty height and land with such a jarring thud against the ground that my teeth rattle. It seems to be her job to manifest a lifetime's frustrations and disappointments and miseries and she is pretty good at it. Sometimes she will rush in front of me when I look into a mirror, or grab my hand when I am paying bills, or sit up and talk to me all night long so I don't get any sleep.
But not today. Today I am enjoying it up here. In fact I am going to go swing on the big swings until the wind blows my hair straight out and the clouds kiss my toes! I start to plan how I will get from here to there without letting that dark creature down there jump on my back and go with me. There..... really doesn't seem to be any way. She has a lot of years to practice. She is like a little cosmic vampire, clinging onto my thoughts with a ravenous desire to feed upon the light I have and devour it with her darkness. She is too ephemeral and insubstantial for me to plunge a stake through her heart and for that I am grateful. Once I do that we will be one and I will never find her again.
Climbing carefully down from my lovely high, I walk over and take her hand, pull her with me to the swings. Today I will hold her close, hug her with both arms and take her swinging with me.
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