White coat syndrome

It has become obvious to me that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my health.

Not only do I struggle to eat the right things in the right amounts, but I am beginning to believe that I may have more influence than I ever dreamed of.

Some people have white coat syndrome. Their blood pressure is higher when they go to the doctor. Mine begins to increase the moment I pick up my machine. I actually hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I have a need to control that reading. If I could Do something I think I might do almost anything, even something madly desperate, but that doesn't work. In fact it is just the opposite.

I have tried meditating, but my body is smart. It knows when I am taking my blood pressure and my attempts to focus on something else are continually brought back by the tightening of the cuff, the sound of the little motor. By now I recognize when it takes longer than the best readings and my mind keeps flipping back, wondering how high it will be this time.

It's a self fulfilling  endeavor. The more I want it lower, the higher it tends to go.

So . . . I trick myself. Try to surreptitiously move the machine onto my lap, slip on the sleeve and wait a bit until I think I am ready.  Once in a while, especially later in the day or just before bedtime I will be relaxed enough for that to work. Then my blood pressure can be more than 40 points lower on top and 10-15 on the bottom and my pulse can be 35 beats slower.

One wrong thought, one fleeting moment and all is lost!

If I can't do this at home how will I ever do it at the doctor's?