Grace and justice

I went to close the drapes tonight and saw the lights on in the apartment across the street.  My son used to live in that apartment, my son who I have not seen for over twenty months now because he lives so far away. 

I remember moving back to my hometown after my divorce and passing the house where my grandmother lived and the one where my father lived and thinking that it was too late for me to see either one of them again. 

It seems I am often out of step with the world around me.  Time is an inexorable opponent.  It does not change its course for anyone for any reason.  There are so many things that will never be again that if I thought about them for too long I would be mired down.

I seem to have found a second wind.  I don’t know why I am blessed this way, but it is a bittersweet blessing when I pass a mirror, or see my reflection in a window.   I am sometimes shocked at the discrepancy between the way I look and the way I feel, but I suppose one is grace and the other justice.

I would not flip them for anything.