For every new year resolution that comes around to stay I suspect there are ten that gently fade away into the land of good intentions gone. Not gone awry, or gone bad, or even gone crazy – just gone. Lost. Forgotten.
In my experience things change, but they seldom change overnight.
Change that lasts comes slowly. It creeps up and burrows in when I least expect it and often don’t even notice in the beginning.
If I wasn’t an inveterate saver of correspondence and everything else written I might not ever know when some things began or others ended. But I am one of those hoarders of ideas who likes to go back and look at things that seemed irrelevant at the time.
I like pondering why this thing took root and that one didn’t and my stash of all things written is a good place to study that.
I began last year thinking I had given up much and was carefully working my way into the rut where I would spend the rest of my life.
I begin this one knowing there are not gonna be any ruts in my life. I’m just not a rutting person. I may begin them, but in the end I always fly up into the air and float away. It’s not determination on my part, or conscientious attention, or any other grandiose explanation of why I am who I am that defines me.
I really just am what I am and no amount of anything is likely to change it for too long.
That thought used to bother me when it slipped into the edges of my thoughts, but I think the time has come to just accept it, maybe even celebrate it a little. I met another one of my species this year and I think, just maybe, we’re uniquely okay!
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