This Or Something Better

I know that if I am not enough for something in any way; not smart enough, sophisticated enough, pretty enough, thin enough, just not enough, then that becomes a wall between real fullfillment and me.

Over striving to breach that wall and make myself enough for whatever it is, is pointless, because I might be able to do it for a while, but not forever. There are innumerable ways to achieve satisfaction and joy in my life. I don't need to focus on the few negative ones.

So many of us grow up thinking there is a finite amount of wonder in life. We think we must grab the golden ring and hang on for dear life, because there may not be any more of them coming up. We trap ourselves with the first golden ring that comes along, or the next golden ring that comes along, or the only golden ring we are skillful enough to catch and we decide to make do.

What a travesty making do is! It is like wanting to play tennis and settling for one of those little paddles with a ball on an elastic band. Or craving pizza and settling for a tomato. Or wanting a great big hug and petting the dog. There is nothing wrong with any of these alternatives. They just aren't the full blown, hugely satisfying, wonderful solution.

Yet, people settle like this all the time, fearful that something just as good or even better might not be waiting for them.

I remember wanting things as a child. The wanting was so delicious it had a life of its own. Then, sometimes, I got something similar and so the wanting was over...kind of...but not really. It wasn't exactly disappointment, it just wasn't absolutely satisfying..

That kind of thing is the golden thread that ties me up and trips me up and keeps me from ever really having the opportunity to find what I really want and need. It is better for me if I remove my finger from the thread and allow myself to float free and find my own level.

That is where I belong.