Finding The Dream

Sometimes it is necessary to stop dreaming the dreams I am supposed to dream and dream the ones I want to dream.

Of course I need to know what those are and that's not as easy as it sounds.

The day I was born, the world began molding me into the sort of person I was "supposed" to be. I'm not sure how it knew that when I hadn't even had time to voice any opinions yet, but it did.

It twisted and tugged, pushed and poked, shaping, not just my hair and my body, but also my mind. By the time I was three I already had a list of things I could not do because I was a girl and the oldest and was bigger than my younger brothers and sister. Before I was eight that list expanded to include things we couldn't afford, and things my body was supposedly not shaped right to do. By ten, the list was limited by the other things I had to do that took up the time and money that might have been there if the first things were not a necessity.

Sometimes people along the way would ask me what I wanted to do, but I knew there were certain things I should never aspire to, not even think about and, being a good child, and perhaps not assertive enough, I never breathed a word about those things.

So I lived a pretty good life and had three awesome children and always pushed most of those niggling odd dreams to the back burner where they wouldn't take the heat of a world that really didn't want me to color outside the lines, or make waves, or rock any boats.

Now I'm finally old enough that people figure I shouldn't have enough vim, vigor, or power to make any of those things a problem. They also think I am still young enough they don't have to watch over me.

I am free for the first time and it is glorious!