Bad Dreams

Sometimes the unbelievable happens.

I don't know if I dream them into being, or it's simply fate, but sooner, or later I suppose anything can happen.

I am afraid of dogs. It is an irrational fear in most ways and a self perpetuating one in others. Dogs smell fear and it seems to annoy them.

I've worked out ways of dealing with this over the years. It's not a new fear, I can't remember when I didn't have it. Sometimes I imagine a beautiful wild yellow looking daisy flower I once saw blooming in the sand dunes of Colorado many years ago. It was such a strange and solitary little thing out there in the middle of all that sand that I took lots of pictures, but the ones in my head are just as bright today as they were back then. Other times I just try to pull inward and breathe through an experience until it is over.

I'm not afraid of your dog when you are there, or it is on a leash. It is only loose dogs, running wild that frighten me, or loose dogs who think they are protecting their home. I actually love dogs too, so it is a strange situation.

I do try never to imagine bad things of any sort happening. It just doesn't seem wise to tempt fate (well, unless I am writing a story, but that is different.) Yet, my imagination can kick into gear without any prompting from me sometimes and tonight was one of those times.

I was walking Chauncey, like I always do a little after ten PM and, as is frequently the case I could see two young men approaching us from the opposite direction walking their pit bull. There are lots of pit bulls and pit bull mixes around, mostly walked by young men and I don't think too much of it anymore. Tonight my imagination went to work and wondered what I would do if that dog broke its leash and attacked us. Just the thought made me shiver. Chauncey is so small.

I moved over off the sidewalk and began walking in the boulevard, giving them plenty of room to pass us when their dog began jerking on his chain and barking at us. Chauncey just froze at attention and I simply froze, but I really wasn't too worried. They were big boys and after all he was their dog. I figured they could deal with it, but he must have caught them off guard.

Suddenly he was charging toward us, tail down, ears back and my mind raced. I remember the dog whisperer saying not to pick your yappy small dog up in a dog park. It just encourages the big dogs to jump on you, but Chauncey wasn't yapping and I wasn't in a dog park and this dog looked like he wanted to kill us.

I grabbed Chauncey up and held him close as I turned my back and tried to pull as much of me in around him as I could just before this dog hit me in the back. Of course all of this happened in seconds and the guys were yelling at their dog and running towards us at the same time.

The dog knocked me off my feet and I tried to roll. In my mind I was thinking if I could get in a position like I would for a bear surely that might be good, but I couldn't cover my head because my arms were around Chauncey. We just sort of stayed there in a ball, nose to the ground and the men got their dog. No one was hurt, but I was surely shaken.

Typical of me, though, I jumped up and kept assuring them we were okay and sort of quickly walked away. I just wanted to put as much space between me and that dog as possible.

Once at home in my apartment I kind of fell apart. My hands are still kind of shaky and so are my legs. I think I will have to go out again before I go to bed and walk Chauncey once more right away. I'm afraid if I don't, I will be too afraid in the future and that is not an option. Usually, like with the snakes, doing something as soon as I am scared by it, helps me get over it.

This just tapped into one of my deepest fears. I still can't believe it happened.