It Is Never Enough.

All my life I have struggled for just one more thing. Just let me do this, or that, go to college, get married, have children, teach preschool, publish my poem. Once I reach that place where I think I'll be content, I find myself wanting a little bit more.

I suppose that is what some people call setting goals, but it isn't quite that for me. I never seem to have a particular plan in mind to achieve this newest heart's desire. I just bumble along hoping for things to work out while I go on doing whatever it was that I was doing before.

The amazing thing to me, when I look back at this, is that I reach any of these milestones at all and I actually do seem to get there one way, or another. I have to admit that I used to be a little less picky than I am now, but that is because I have honed these desires as I have grown older.

The world is so quick to tell me what I should want and how I should get there, which is fine if I am an average woman confining myself to mediocre achievements that are moderately satisfying. I want more!

My achievements may, or may not, be mediocre by world standards, that really isn't important to me. What is important is that they be more than moderately satisfying to me. I want real satisfaction. I want to be excited when I check up on where I am at the moment, so it is never enough.

If I write a story, I want it to be one that I want to read. If ten people read it today, I want twenty to read it tomorrow and maybe 3000 to read it in ten days. Now that may sound like an exaggeration, but why not shoot for it?

Knowing me, if 3000 do read it, then I will be disappointed if more don't follow that. I'm not sure if this is a goal, or greediness, or possibly just positive thinking, but I do know that if I don't want these things, they don't seem to happen. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen and sometimes that means knowing myself.

I know that I am shy about sharing myself with the public, so I write under a pseudonym. It is a necessary part of who I am. I also know what I need in order to be happy with the results and that has nothing to do with what the world thinks, or says.

Making myself happy is enough and if that, "enough" requires more and more and more? Well, then I am never bored.