This too shall pass away

Depression is a large bird that flies over dimming the light on all parts of my existence. Like a prehistoric pterodactyl it should be, and has been, extinct for a long time. I can’t really see it, only feel the after effects from it’s wings as they alter everything from afar.

I wonder what opened this time warp, how it got through to me here high in the mountains of North Carolina, where life has been so fresh and beautiful for so long, but I suppose there is no one reason. There hardly ever is.

Life changes, people come, people go, people grow and each tiny chink in my armor is an opening for thoughts to seep in and weigh me down. And mentioning weighing down, my weight seems to be stuck here, which only adds to the tightness of my present situation. I am not who I used to be.

I know. None of us are who we used to be. Part of life is living with changes. I should be a pro by now. By the time I was Lennon’s age I had lived in five houses, including three different towns. Before I graduated from high school I had gone to two elementary schools, three junior highs and two high schools, including a new one senior year. I was groomed for change. Most of the time I have learned to thrive on change. New houses, new friends, new experiences, maybe that is part of it. There is a great sameness to living here, but the changes do come. The old ways no longer work for me, I don't know where to look.

I miss friends I no longer see and sometimes no longer even hear from.

I have ideas for writing, but cannot seem to make them gel. Reading takes too much concentration. So I have been watching videos and even those must be specific. I discover I can only focus on those I really care about. Everything else falls by the way side. I find if I focus on a particular person, I can still focus, so I dig around looking for old photos in the archives and find many that snag my interest -- just not enough to draw things into a story right now. The woods are lovely, the mountains and lakes sparkling, the trees used in particularly creative ways, surely my imagination will kick in soon.

The only thing that helps is that I know this too shall pass. All things do.