I Chose To Stand And Fight

Holidays are stressful for many people. They over-book, over-buy, over-do, and feel obligated to do so and guilty if they don’t. I have no idea why. It causes unbelievable tension for them and the people around them. I’m assuming some part of them learned this behavior from people in their lives.

I learned a lot from people in my life, but as I grew older I discovered a great deal of it was what not to do. I remember times when it seemed all we did was argue and other times when we barely spoke and even worse times when all I wanted was to be somewhere other than where I was. These are the times when I said things I shouldn’t have said. Oh, sometimes I really meant them at the time, but it was usually because I was unhappy about something and angry, or frustrated and usually not really with the person I acted out upon. They were just conveniently close.

That’s the problem with being around people I love. They are close and often become that little punching bag that helps relieve stress. But, I’ll tell you a secret you might not want to hear. Many of those words and times have come back to haunt me. Distance puts them into perspective, but time has taken many of those people out of my life, indeed, out of this life. It is way too late to sit down and talk it over with them now.

Now? Now I am older and I live alone. Living alone teaches me who is really at fault (and who is responsible too!) It almost eliminates stress unless I choose to involve myself. Of course, that was always the case. I was never in a position where I could not have turned and walked away silently. I chose to stand and fight.

Now I choose to wait. Funny thing about those big personal issues, most of them shrink over time. I don’t want to look back and regret anymore moments in my life. I want to savor them.

There are plenty of ways to love.