Who are we

 

Over the years I have noticed that people in my generation often value themselves by who their relatives are, where they live, what kind of car they drive and how much money they have.

I once did this too. I was raised to do this. 

But the difference between me and some of the people my age is that I knew early on that something was off. I wasn't sure why, but I knew it felt wrong. We followed all the rules and there were rules for everything! How to sit. How to talk. How to set a proper table, make a proper bed, cultivate the correct friends, even how to laugh. It was all about presentation. How we looked to those around us and the world. 

We were taught this was the price for being who we were, somehow superior to many others. It created a generation of people out to please everyone else (who was worthy of being pleased that is.) Noblesse oblige took care of the rest of those poor souls around us who couldn't help being born who they were. 

Thank goodness for the sixties! The hippie generation had its ups and downs, but it taught me that there was more to life than the facades and faces we donned every morning before we went out in the world. It was one of those things my dad tried to teach me. There are extremes at both ends, but the middle is generally a better place to be.

I wanted to change. 

It took years of reading and therapy and meeting people and trying things out to learn that passive aggressive is really a terrible form of aggression used by people who are angry and afraid to show it for one reason or another. I discovered there was nothing wrong with stating my needs or wants, but that no one else was obligated to take care of them.  I discovered that simply being born a lion didn't mean I had to, or even had the right to, eat everything I could catch and devour.

I discovered that for every idea there were probably ten others that were different in some way, but they could all be valid in some ways too. And, sadly, I learned that all those rules I had learned were the very most basic lessons for being a human being. Each one had its uses, but not one was sacrosanct.

I can still enjoy setting a fancy table. Sometimes I like to dress up. Eating good food that I enjoy is still wonderful, but it's just that now I don't think everyone who does it differently is wrong. I don't long for the good ole days. They were sometimes awful too and I don't idolize people anymore either. 

I do have a hard time understanding people who refuse to grow and change. To me that is like collecting dead wood. All it's good for is the fire and as beautiful as a fire can be in some moments, it is so destructive left unbridled. 

Who we are is a product of who we were and we are artists creating an unending masterpiece if we choose to be.