Older and older

 

I was brought up to fear doctors. My mother feared them. She feared hospitals even more. That was where her father died a long agonizing death from cancer.

So I have spent my life alternating between these almost inborn beliefs and the reality of modern medicine, which is making leaps and bounds every day. 

Believing that my doctors are the caring, dedicated people I see in movies or on television is hard for me. My natural cynicism says they are just like so many other people, out there to make money.

And yet I have had some really good doctors in my life. I need to draw on those experiences as I grow older, because much of my life now centers around doctoring. If I don't trust these people life becomes very difficult.

I will soon be 76. Not old by today's standards, The anticipated age for dying according to older ones. I have a functional heart murmur that I was born with, stage four kidney disease, blocked arteries, diabetes, flat feet, all kinds of foot problems and allergies. Now I'm having dental work done. I had cataract surgery ten years ago. 

I am literally a medical marvel from head to foot, so I need to find a comfort level in doctors if I want to live with less anxiety. My mother died at 58 from heart and kidney disease. My father died at 70 from a broken heart. 

I'm just trying to live my best life as I get older and older.