Crutches

 

When I was a young woman I found myself suddenly overwhelmed with social duties.  Welcome wagon, Newcomer's officer, Bridge organizer, PTA, President of parents of children with disabilities, etc. 

In the beginning it all felt like an honor. People wanted me to do things, head up committees, but after a while it was just too much.

After all, I was not working at a paying job so I could be with my family and spend time with my children and suddenly there was no time.

It was just so hard to say no. And when I did say it, I felt the need to explain why. The problem with that is people always came back with a reason why my reason wasn't good enough.

Most people have crutches they use to escape some social function, or family function, or anything else they don't want to do. They use it so they can sound noble while saying, "No!"

My sister always had her work. She would simply say, "I have to work."

Then when she retired she was almost panicky until she got a part time job babysitting an elderly neighbor. Once more she can say she has to work. Or, even better for her now, she has a dog and she will say I can't leave Bailey alone.

I don't have any crutches.

I learned a long time ago to simply say, no. I never give a reason even if there is a long silence following my refusal. I will sometimes say, but thank you for asking, but that's as far as I will go.

It works.

People don't quite know how to deal with that.