Heaven

 

My mother died thirty eight years ago today. She was too young, 58 years old, but she had eleven aneuryisms in the main aorta to her heart. She also had less than a third of a kidney left. By the time they realized it and rushed her to St. Louis via plane, she was too far gone to survive.

It is easy to think about dying when you are young and healthy, but a little more complicated as the time draws nearer.

I would love to believe that I will go to heaven and be reunited with everyone I love in a beautiful place, but my innermost soul tells me I will return to the dust I came from. I don't know if I will be conscious of my self, but I expect to blow with the wind over the prairies and rivers, the mountains and oceans with all the rest of creation. 

I hope it is the great feeling of belonging that I have yearned for all my life and never quite found. 

Being part of a whole so immense, so complicated and so eternal might actually be heaven.