Seeking

 

I wish I believed the way I once did.

There was a time when it was so simple.

But now as the end of my life draws closer I find myself not believing.

I don't think anyone can make you believe. I've heard all the stories, sang all the hymns, been to so many churches, so many retreats, done so much praying and meditating and listening.

I believe in goodness and a power greater than me, but I can't put a face on it.

I want a faith in something that I can wrap around me, drown myself in and know like I know my breath comes from my lungs and my blood is pumped by my heart.

I want a faith that never wavers and I guess that is asking a lot.

But that is what I have always been seeking.