Be Epic

If a life is only a succession of ephemeral moments it is still the most perfect one it can be.

It is no sin to love being with yourself. As long as you are content, life is the best it can be. And if you are happy? That is above and beyond what many people ever know.

A brilliant imagination sets the stage for a life of fulfillment, joy and love. 

The trials and tribulations will be there, Never worry about that. They are like potholes in an otherwise perfect tapestry, but letting them become the centerpiece is the fatal flaw. You must create a bridge that supersedes the hard times, creates a way over, under and through, so that you find whatever goodness might exist.

Don't be Cinderella, or Princess Somebody or other. Be yourself. 

You are real. Your friends, even if you only have one very good friend, are real. Allow yourself to define your own existence and make it a beautiful one. There is no prize for being sad, or pathetic. There is no joy in being miserable.

Write your own story, paint your own pictures, create your own life and it will turn out to be an epic like you never believed possible.

Motivations

 

Why do I do what I do?

There are people who really don't care why they do things as long as those things appear to work, prosper, and appear beneficial to their ideas of what life should be. I have found that not questioning usually means I am avoiding something. I am missing a chance to grow.

Life is a journey whether I like that idea, or not, and movement is seldom present without fluctuations. Avoiding questions usually means those fluctuations will ultimately be bigger, because, left unattended, bad things tend to fester until they can no longer be ignored. 

Over the years I have discovered that peace is generally a time when the fluctuations roll like gentle waves. An adjustment here, a tweak there, and these minor uncomfortable times help me to be prepared for the reality of the changes in my life. I am motivated to stay up to date on my learning curve!

I certainly do not know everything and knowing that I don't know helps me navigate all the bumps in the road with less drama. I expect to have to change and realize that for better or worse I will be able to continue changing as life moves on. Not all changes will be the correct ones, but that is okay, because I will be able to make more later on.

The point is trying to be honest and open with myself as well as gentle. I will never be perfect, but I can be authentic and purposeful and even happy.

Grief

I don't believe anyone is ever really prepared for the grief they feel when someone they love dies.

Knowing that we all will die, or that someone has a terminal illness and will die sooner, still does not cushion the intense feelings that burst up around us like an all enveloping burst of steam when the reality of their absence finally hits us. 

Knowing is not the same as experiencing.

Over time the grieving process bounces around from despair, to anger, to disbelief. How can someone who was here beside me and whose body I still see, not be here anymore? Where did they go? How will I survive the black hole inside of me? Grief explodes like Old Faithful over and over again in incomprehensible waves that must simply be endured even when it feels like it is drowning you and taking away everything you held fast to before.

Eventually the pain becomes duller, but that can take months, or years, depending on so many things. You simply have to allow it to run its course and be understanding of those grieving. 

In the end the memories deep inside of us keep the beloved close. I believe a soul is kind of like the energy of a body. It moves into the world around us where both body and soul eventually become part of what they always were and always will be - everything.

This gives me comfort.

What do you want to be?

 

 People are always asking, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

These questions start as soon as a child can talk and then a few years later people begin to influence that decision and impose limitations on it.

When I was growing up there were certain things women really shouldn't be, or married women should not be because they had to be available to raise children and follow their husband wherever his job took him.

Then there was the implication that to be something you must get paid for it with money. Therefore being a writer or painter only counted if someone bought your work. 

People seldom respond, "I want to be happy, or kind." Of course most younger children will lean towards whatever Mom and Dad, are interested in. And it quickly becomes quite clear that to properly be something you must choose something that has a purpose. Teaching, doctoring, painting -- houses, or art, (but only if it sells,) librarian, priest, nun, whatever. Something that has a name and is definable.

After a while it becomes obvious that being is a complicated and dangerous process for those of us who are weighed down by the fear that we will never be enough to be considered successful in the eyes of all the people asking us this question.

I tried to choose one of these sacred cows for years. I considered several things from architect, to mother, to teacher, but eventually I mostly discovered what I did Not want to be.

I don't like getting up early and while I am perfectly capable of doing it, it does not inspire me. I don't find working for money especially rewarding, at least not rewarding enough to do things that seem meaningless, or painful.  

I am willing to give up a lot to do the things I feel are important, including working for room and board, which is sort of what a stay at home mom does. Nothing I ever dreamed of being was even a fraction as important to me as rearing my children was. 

Likewise, I enjoy just looking at my paintings and losing myself in the colors and scenes. I have no need, or desire to sell them. The same with any music I ever made. Of course no one ever offered either!

I have always found writing to be one of my most fulfilling habits even if no one was reading what I wrote. 

So what do I want to be?

Exactly what I am. A mother, a writer, a painter, a designer, a creator of my life in a hundred different ways.

Wants

 

Everyone wants something different and that is a good thing. It is what keeps the world going round and progress occurring.         

However, what I want and what is going to happen, or what is good for me, or what is good for the world, are not always the same things. Wants are not necessarily needs, or healthy, or for everyone.

For example, I want to eat lots of yummy carbs and sugar, but if I do I suffer from type two diabetes. My brother wants to eat bread and cake and rolls, but his celiac's disease prohibits that. My sister wants her daughter to be a normal person, but she is not.

In this world we all have to make adjustments for our own good and the common good. It isn't always a choice and may even be something we really don't want to do, but it may end up being the only choice. Then it happens, because logic says one must face the truth or suffer the consequences.

This is as cold and fast and true as the existence of gravity, or night and day. There are things beyond our control to change, so we have to change ourselves, our way of dealing with things must be altered to fit reality.

Change

 

No one expects a ten year old child to look, or act, or want, the same things that a one year old child does. Yet, so many people seem to think that this all changes once they feel they have reached maturity. In movies, or books, it is easy to make things look like they last forever, but happily ever after depends on change.

Getting older does not necessarily mean becoming less than. We should all be getting better over time. We have more experiences to draw from, more knowledge to use to our advantage. Being a certain age means nothing really. Health matters, common sense counts, and maintaining a willingness to change is a great boon.

Treating ourselves like we would treat much loved children means buying shoes that fit and are comfortable, clothes that make us feel good about ourselves, finding hairstyles that make us smile when we look in the mirror, and continuing to age as gracefully as we did as children. Freezing a life at any age does not work. One isn't ten, twenty isn't thirty, fifty isn't sixty. Each age has its own ups and downs. Learning to roll with the changes makes life more satisfying and pleasant than trying to contort ourselves into some past ideal that is probably not really the way we remember it.

Don't let some younger person define you either. Cliche ideas about age, or grannys, or even women of the past are not stencils that still work. You are unique!

Be everything that you are and maximize your life's joy. Get rid of those baby toys and ideas and grab hold of today's pleasures for all you're worth, because there is really no going back.