Life is not a dream

     

I've experienced sleep paralysis several times in the past. They are terrifyingly real experiences where I think I am totally awake, but cannot move and twice I even heard an evil cackling from someone who seemed to be sitting on my back. Once it felt like a hug just before it went away. All three were times were when my eyes were open and I thought I was totally awake.

Lately, though I have had a different experience. In my dreams I find myself unable to move or speak and I am terrified. The first time was a week or two ago. I finally woke up calling for my mom and dad to come help! They both passed away long ago. 

Today I fell asleep in my recliner, covered in a blanket and in the dream I was in my grandmother's little house sitting on the couch. I was cold and tired, so I wrapped a blanket around my shoulders like a shawl and dozed off. My ex husband, who I have not seen nor heard from in years walked in and lay down on the couch, putting his head in my lap. At first I found this sort of sweet, but then I realized I couldn't move. I tried to tell him, but I couldn't make any words come out. He finally sat up beside me and I heard my cousin walk into the room with a friend. I tried to call for help, but all I could do was whisper, "elp." It was almost impossible to do that. I struggled trying to move my hands, but they felt trapped by the blanket and my feet wouldn't move. I kept gasping, "elp" in my ex's ears and he seemed to be asleep.

Then I heard my cousin walk past me and out onto the front porch. I screamed, "elp" as loud as I could. I knew my ex could hear me now, but I realized he wasn't going to help me at all. It was so terrifying. Just like the last time this happened, I thought if someone would reach out and pull me up to my feet by my hands, I would be okay, but no one did that.

My nose began to itch and I realized I couldn't even scratch my nose. I began to madly struggle and after what seemed like hours, I woke up! Just before I did that I thought, "This is a stroke. I am going to be like this for the rest of my life."

Wide awake I was fine. I could move, scratch my nose, and talk. I was still traumatized. I looked up sleep paralysis and it referred to people being awake while it happened. I only found one reference to someone experiencing it while in a total dream state. 

I feel rested, but lately I have been dreaming that I am sleeping. I am so comfortable in those dreams and I thought it might be because I have a new super comfortable mattress and pillow. I don't know what caused the paralysis, I was in a chair, not a bed, but it makes me leery of going back to sleep.